5+ day, 14+ hour ago   (342+ words) MIAMI—Calling the promotion an exciting and cost-effective opportunity to honor one of the team’s star players, the Miami Marlins announced Tuesday that the first 10,000 ticketed fans to arrive at an upcoming home game would receive a single Sandy Alcantara…...

1+ week, 2+ day ago   (113+ words) The post Home Heeled Advantage appeared first on The Onion. Dept. Of Tautology Rereleases Report For Second Time Sixth Beer Steps In To Speak For Area Man Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings Wedding Ring…...

1+ week, 4+ day ago   (107+ words) The Onion Study: Majority Of Nation’s Sweat Now Produced From Eating Spicy Wings Wedding Ring Jammed Into Slot Machine Chess Onlooker Sees A Move You Can Do Amazing Psychic Bends Truth With Mind Independent Bookstore Acquires Cat Play Within A…...

2+ week, 1+ day ago   (124+ words) The post Red Sox Fan Throws Back Son Who Caught Yankees Home Run appeared first on The Onion. Independent Bookstore Acquires Cat Play Within A Play Also Boring Father Points Out Rhode Island License Plate Rest Of Waiting Room Getting…...

2+ week, 6+ day ago   (109+ words) The Onion Autistic Husband Gifted Label Maker Badly Cast Political Ad Features Bus Driver, Construction Worker, Bus Driver, Bus Driver, Bus Driver Fat Suit Stops Bullet Lesbian Softball Team Brings In 4’9” Ringer Better Looking Couple In Commercial Uses Correct Phone…...

3+ week, 4+ day ago   (334+ words) BUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched off Wednesday’s Little League World Series game between Canada and Asia-Pacific due to neither team…...